Bittersweet...

Well first of all let me say that I have a new nephew! He is totally adorable. I just loved holding him and getting that warm fuzzy feeling you get when you hold a little bitty baby. He was just precious. All the baby noises and smells and looks. It is so bittersweet. To be able to participate in the lives of others while wanting so badly that which they have...it is so bittersweet.

Well...right now we are on a mini-break from the whole conception thing. We are not, which we never, using birth control but also not using any meds either. Right after Thanksgiving I started taking a fertility drug to get back on the wagon again. Took the meds, then started using Ovulation Predictor Kits to "time things" accurately. I never got a positive OPK, not a big surprise, and then got a period two weeks after the last period I had. Ummm, yeah not gonna pop out an egg while bleeding huh?

Apparently I did not ovulate with that cycle. They cut back on my dosage because I did over stim when I was taking them the last time. Apparently that will have to change back to the higher dosage and I suppose they will just have to monitor me closely to make sure I don't rupture a cyst again. We will see. I am planning on calling them sometime next week to get things going again. I thought that it was not all bad to stop over the holidays. Just enjoy what I have now and not worry about the whole roller coaster.

I did get another cholesterol and blood glucose check. I have PCOS, have I mentioned?, and both of those were high last time they checked them. But I have lost 30 pounds since then so I am hoping that both of those numbers went down. We will see. I have not heard yet.

Anyway...I am honestly hoping that next Christmas there is a new little one in our house but we will see. I know in my heart of hearts that it is all up to my higher power....I am not the one in control here. I will take the steps needed to by pass the ovary problems I have and then the rest is up to Him. Hard to do that sometimes....well actually all the time! I am not obsessing about it...yet....but I know that that battle is long and hard and I am hoping that blogging here and writing my thoughts will help to keep me from going too crazy...we will see.

Good night all....I hope you are all happy and healthy.