Today is Sunday....

I am just hanging out. We went to the store yesterday....I was exhuasted by the time it was over. Brad was with me but man....Josey was tired so she threw a fit in the store. Yeah...this was fun. We are putting her back in the cart trying to buckle her in and she is screaming bloody murder. I am looking at people going past staring and saying..."no we are not hurting her." UGH!

Anyway. Today has of course been much calmer....we have been home all day. It is too hot for me to go outside. I think that Brad and Josey went out for a bit to blow bubbles but that was short lived.

I just thought that I would post a short one that I am doing better today. Contractions are still coming but not so frequently. I took a good 2 hour nap and am feeling pretty good. The main complaint I have today is that I am dealing with the all fun and exciting pregnancy problem....constipation! Woo hoo! That is always fun. I took some stool softeners last night and those are working...and I am glad to report that because I thought that I might have some serious problems...but apparently not.

Anyway, enough about pooping! I have a doc appt. in the am and a growth u/s. I am excited to see the babies again, and also to find out just how big they are getting. I am also glad to go in to talk to the doc about all this action my uterus is seeing!

I will try to update soon...hope you are all well.

25 weeks...oh my!

Well...it has been a while. I spend plenty of time online checking the pregnancy forums that I love so much but finding the energy to blog has been tough. I am exhausted. To those of you who read to get updates...my apologies. Here comes an update....and there is lots!

So about 2 weeks ago, 23 weeks pregnant, I went into Labor and Delivery with contractions that were very bothersome to me. Mainly when I was active but then they started happening no matter what. I drank a ridiculous amount of water, 92 ounces, and spent the day laying on the couch on my left side. Josey was pretty good about playing by herself and got to see more than her fair share of TV that day too. By the time the afternoon rolled around and nothing had really changed the doc said to go to L and D. So off we went. After about 2-3 hours hooked up to monitors that were checking baby heart rates and measuring the intensity of contractions we were sent home....oh yeah and two manual cervix checks. Yeah those were fun. For those of you who have those parts I will tell you the good news is that my cervix is still high...and they did not need to tell me that....I could tell during the check!!! anyway...my cervix was not opening so that was good.

They sent me home with a diagnosis of irritable uterus. To which I ask...what is not irritable in pregnancy? :) Brad seconded that question. Ha ha! anyway...basically with two babies growing in there, four hands and feet kicking like crazy along with the stretching my uterus is doing to accommodate all the other pregnancy stuff it causes irritability. Which means that I often have contractions when moving around. Going to the bathroom, getting up from a chair or the couch, whatever. Movement in general. But since there were no changes to the cervix there was no bed rest prescribed. Just resting in general. Ok....so I scale it back some...for a few days. It is tough to do you know? I have a 2.5 yo to take care of and run around with. Every morning she wakes up and asks where are we going today Mommy?

So that was a few weeks ago. In between there we had a 3d/4d u/s done. What fun! We got such a preview as to their personalities. Okey(A) is the farthest down, closest to the cervix, and head down. Dokey(B) is higher up and in this u/s was basically sitting his/her siblings head. Yes that is right....sitting on the head. Poor Okey was mushed between my uterus and their sibling! Check this out!
It is not terribly easy to see but in the middle of the pic you can make out Okey's face and on the right is Dokeys back. Look closely...

so the coolest thing about 3d u/s is that you get a chance to really see the babies faces and features...most who have seen them agree that we have one baby, Okey, who looks like Josey, which means me, and one, Dokey, who looks like Brad. For those of you who know us...check these out!
Okey
Dokey

It was also fun to watch them hit and push each other. That may sound bad but it really is amusing to watch Okey push at Dokey's back to try to get some space. Judging by the action in my belly I would guess that this happens a lot. They are separated by a thin membrane that is really elastic so they are able to touch each other often even though they are in their own sacs. Pretty cool to see!

We still declined to find out the sexes although the tech said she knew and would tell us if we changed our minds...tempting but we will wait. I still think it is a boy and a girl. We are narrowing names down...but don't even ask. We won't tell!

So this week...Wednesday I started the day with a lot of cramping low down in my tummy. I thought that maybe I has gas or something so I did not worry too much. I took Josey to the doc, she had some booster shots to get, and came home and laid down. By this time I was getting pretty regular contractions and cramping. Which kind of freaked me out. I called the doc's office in the afternoon since I had tried everything I knew to improve the situation. They suggested L and D again.

Off we went. Hooked up to monitors, checking cervix the whole bit again. This time I am having contractions more frequently, the cramping is not getting better. They were concerned that maybe my uterus was gearing up for pre-term labor. They gave me the option to stay or go home. Cervix still high and closed. I decided to go home. They made me promise to come back if things got any worse.

Over night I was able to sleep some. Still cramping and contracting. Got up in the am and thing were definitely stronger. So we decided to go back. Called my friend to come get Josey for the day for us. We went down and were monitored and checked again. The only difference this time is that my cervix is now shortening. Not opening yet but getting shorter. Now this can probably be expected by this time anyway so...not that big of a deal but still somewhat of a concern.

They sent me home. The doc that released me said she was not going to put me on bed rest at this point in time but cautioned that I need to be taking it REALLY EASY. So I have been trying to do that. Yesterday was a rough day. I felt awful, tired, crampy and scared. They also did an u/s to check the positions of the babies and they are both head down ready to come out the chute.(and still beating each other up!) I keep telling them that I love them but don't want to meet them yet! Stay babies stay!

SO right now I have put myself on a type of modified bed rest. I will not be going out much and not really doing too much at home. If I get up and start to move around and get contractions I will sit down and rest a bit. Josey is bored sometimes but still handles it ok. Her and Daddy went to the races last night but I will blog about that on her blog.

Here are my 24 week belly pictures. I am now 51 inches around. yeah....51 inches. I am huge as my husband and daughter like to say...I would take offense but I kind of agree!
24 weeks 24 weeks belly button and here is a 22 weeker to compare to...

Ok...it has been a while. Sorry about that!

Things are good. I am 21 weeks tomorrow. I go for doctor appts. every two weeks, which is a little daunting but do-able.

Here are the updates and stats. Starting at 16 weeks doc started to check my cervix, with a lovely transvaginal u/s(if you have had one you know how much fun this is). My cervix has to be above 2 cm to be good and long with no concern for pre-term labor....I have been measuring consistently at about 5. Yayy for the cervix of steel! This really is a good thing. I do not know what we do if I had to go on bedrest with Josey here at home with me. It is still always a possibility but with the concerns of a incompetent cervix quickly going away I am feeling more confident.

My blood pressure is still consistently low, 96 over 63 this last time. This is also good as it means I am out the running for pre-eclamsia/PIH at this point in time. There have been no concerns with urine obviously since I give on every time....and my weight is great...I have only gained 11 pounds so far! Yayy for me!

Ok....the fun stuff...babies! I went for my 20 week anatomical scan on Friday. This is the one where they measure everything and make sure that babies are growing on track and matching gestational age etc. All looked good. We have two bouncing beautiful babies in there. They were all over the place. It was so much fun to watch their little arms waving around and feet kicking. The bladder shots they kept taking were not fun however BUT I can deal with that. We are calling the babies Okey(twin A) and Dokey(twin B), this was Josey's idea....well Brad helped too. SO....Okey weighs 13 ounces right now, estimate of course, and had a heart rate of 150. Dokey was 12 ounces and had a heartrate of 143. I find it interesting that their heartrates are starting to get closer...they have been as different as 150 and 136 you will see in past blog entries so....it will be interesting to watch that change. We did not find out the sexes. For those of you who really really want us to....sorry. They were head down and feet up too....we could have but we held out and I am glad that we will be surprised honestly. I think that we have one of each in there, but Brad thinks that there are two girls in there. Honestly whatever is fine....two boys scares me BUT I know others who have done it so....we will figure it out. It think that was it with the babies.

Here are some current pics of my big ol' belly and baby pics too. Oh that was the other thing....I was at the end of my 20th week when I went in and I am measuring 27 weeks. This is not unusual...just surprising to hear. I feel as big as I was with Josey when I was 6 months along....and apparently I am that and then some. Oh well...I love my pregnant belly!

Love to all...more later!

me at 18 weeks

20 weeks

20 weeks-losing my belly button!

so....

me at 16 weeks 2 days

yesterday we had our 16 week appt. with the OB and also an ultrasound.

A little bit of twin trivia....there is much concern in a twin pregnancy about pre-term labor and incompetent cervixes among other complications. I will be having ultrasounds every two weeks to measure my cervical length. This week I measured 5.2, not sure honestly if that is inches or centimeters...But it is a great measurement. Of course it will probably shorten some as I get bigger and farther along but as long as it stays over 2, in. or cm, then I can avoid bedrest or cerclage. Which is what we want!

Anyway, so I knew this u/s was mostly for that purpose but also figured that I would be able to see babies, how can they not u/s a pregnant woman and not show her the offspring? And they did! She said that they wanted to check the heart rates so we would need to look at the babies. Woo HOO! I just about squealed with excitement. Now I have to say that with Josey because of some complications, minor, we had more than your normal 1-2 u/s. But with these babies I would lose my mind without knowing I would get to peek at them so often. I think that since there are two in there I have a double dose of mommy worry! Seriously.

She puts the "jelly" stuff on my belly and Josey is all worried it will drip down my belly, which was cute. Then puts the little transducer thingy(technical term you know!) on my belly and poof....Babies! They were moving around a bit in there, heartbeats just a pounding away. I was so happy to see that both were good in there and still doing ok. Oh to have a window in my belly! Baby A had a heart rate of 150, and Baby B was beating away at 136. They looked good, according to u/s tech, but that was not really the point of the u/s so we did not spend too much time looking at them. Just saw them kicking and hearts beating. Apparently, if I understood the orientation, they are looking at each other, baby A is feet down on my left side and baby B is head down on my right side but their heads are side by side. Almost like they create their own little Yin and Yang.

Oh and in the interest of being honest....I have gained two pounds now. 1 for each baby!

Here is a pic! How sweet is that! Just for clarification...Baby B is on the bottom. It is a side view. You can see the little legs off to the left, and the feet. If you look by Baby B's head you will see a shadow that appears to be the hand. Maybe doing a little early thumb sucking? Baby A is on the top facing down looking at his or her sibling.

a little update!

Ok....so the last time I posted it was to tell you all I was pregnant with twins! WooHoo!

Well...I have been sick off and on. Morning sickness but also a bout with Bronchitis last week. I have not updated here for a while due to that. And just being beat! I am so much more tired than I remember with my first pregnancy. I am sure this is partly due to the fact that there are two I am cooking in there.

As far as we know things are going well. I am growing which indicates that the babies are growing too. I have not gained any weight yet just fluctuating a lot. I worry a little but obviously the babies are just taking it all. I am sure that my weight will catch up! Remind me in a few months when I post about being amazed at how much I have gained! Ha Ha!

I have an ultrasound on Monday and we will get to see the babies so I will post again then and let you all know how we are.

I am going to try to post a link to a slide show to see my belly....hope it works. If not there will be a still also of me today at 15w5d. Not even 4 months yet!
http://s175.photobucket.com/albums/w158/ardathalbum/?action=view¤t=.my_first_widget.pbw

well....it worked!

How appropriate that the last post on here is the one that apparently sealed the deal! We did manage to match up his swimmers with my cranky and shy eggs. The oral meds this time REALLY worked. Apparently I ovulated twice and my hubby's over achieving sperm got them both. We are pregnant with twins.

I decided to keep this blog going since the journey to get here is just as important as the fact that we were successful this time. That cycle in Feb. was apparently the one. But it is funny because things were weird from the get-go so I thought we had failed again. I was totally gearing up for a negative cycle and setting my sights on the next month...here is how things went.

I got the positive ovulation test on Sunday Feb. 25. We had our afternoon fun. ;) Then another positive the next day and the next and again on the next. By this time I was terribly uncomfortable in my lower abdomen. I have had a cyst burst before and began to wonder if that was what I had, a large cyst just waiting to rupture. Because of this I thought this cycle was a bust. I also thought it was weird that I had a pos. ov. test four days in a row. Seemed a little strange. I called the doc and talked to a nurse about it. She suggested that maybe I had actually ovulated twice. I thought that just seemed impossible and dismissed that idea. She was not worried about me having a cyst since they mostly resolve on their own. She suggested that I go in on the next Monday and get a progesterone level, p-4, to see if I had in fact ovulated or not. I agreed, again figuring that answer would be a big fat no.

Monday comes along and I go in....get my bloodwork done and get the results. Now for a "normal" ovulation a reading of about 10 is fine. For women, like myself, on ovulation medication they want it to be at least 15. Mine was 50. Yes you read that right...50! I of course got excited and started combing the internet to see if that could possibly mean that I was pregnant. It does not necessarily mean that, the p-4 does not indicate pregnancy one way or the other. But I was still excited. If nothing else I did obviously ovulate. So that was Monday. We were leaving that Friday to go to TN to visit family so I wanted to test before we left.

I waited until late Wednesday night early Thursday morning. Seriously I tested at 2am on Thursday morning. My hubby was still awake and I was so worked up about testing that I was having a hard time sleeping. I went and tested, without telling him what I was doing, and it came back positive. Faint but there. I told him and we were tentatively excited. The next day I called the RE and they scheduled an u/s to check on things but that was not until April 2. since I got a positive on a home test they saw no need to do any bloodwork, I had already had one pregnancy that went well so they wanted to just see me at the u/s. I could not wait until then so I called my GP who is here in town and asked them to do a blood test. They said no problem and got me right in. They did not get the results that day.....I had to wait until the next morning. I called them about 9:30, could not wait anymore. The receptionist told me to wait just a minute she would get the nurse....I of course read this to mean it was negative. The nurse got on the line and said, "well....get the baby clothes out you are pregnant!" I was thrilled.

Fast forward to April 2. I had some wondering about how many were in there. Cannot tell you a definite reason why, just a weird instinct. But still really did not think we would be that lucky! My husband, myself, and my 2 year old go to the doc to get this u/s. We did not tell her anything about what we doing...that way if things were not good we would not have to backtrack and tell her that mommy was not having a baby afterall. The image comes on the screen and I see a heartbeat. I think I gasped, and the tech said, "wait. I have another surprise for you." and then shows us baby B. So yes there were two in there. Baby A and Baby B. We were excited. Well, my daughter and husband were really excited....I was a little scared with the thought of two newborns and two babies in my tummy at once, and just all that would come with that. But I was definitely still excited.

Both babies looked good. Heartbeats were strong and healthy. They measured exactly what they should according to the ov. tests and when we "did the deed". Apparently the nurse who suggested the "crazy" idea that I may have ovulated twice was not so crazy afterall. The twins appear to be fraternal since they could tell that I ovulated out of both ovaries. I am still reeling sometimes that my ovaries, who refuse to do ANYTHING on their own, tossed out TWO eggs and both were good and solid and healthy.

SO....currently I am 12 weeks 1 day pregnant with twins. We went to the ER a week ago on Sunday because I was hurting pretty bad. Verdict was that I overdid it the day before and was just feeling my body telling me to slow down. We did however get to see the babies that day and they were both doing well. Baby B was turning somersaults while Baby A tried to rest. :) both hearts were beating and all looked good. I am bigger than I expected, but I guess with two in there.....well duh! Things are going well. I am tired alot but sickness has worn off. I was pretty sick for a while there but things are much better now.

I will try to do what I can to keep this blog updated. What an incredible blessing we have been given and what an amazing journey this is sure to be. Below is a montage of my belly taken and showing in order of week 8 to week 10 to week 12. I will post pics every two weeks since that is what I am going to be trying to keep up with this time around...a photo journal of my growth! that should be fun!

IT IS NOT UP TO ME!

Just a warning....this post contains talk of(dramatic pause and drum roll) SEX.

ok....so my husband and I enjoy our intimate time with each other but these sessions can be few and far between. With a two year old around our alone time is limited anyway and we often take the time after she goes to bed to catch up or spend time together. This time does not always include sex. This is just our deal. We are happy with it and it works for us. So conceiving sometimes puts a lot of pressure on us to make sure we "do it" at the right times. It is a little frustrating for us actually and sometimes hard to try to "romance" it up since we both know what the deal is...but whatever. We really don't mind it.

The funny story about all this is this.....ok. We had a really bad ice/snow storm this weekend. What a perfect time to work on our project together. I got up on Sunday morning and tested for ovulation and got a positive test. We "took care of business" during our 2 years olds nap time. This ended up being a good thing, so we thought, because his brother and sister in law called and wanted to stay with us since they had no power.(ironically enough they did not end up staying with us.) I told him it was a good thing we had taken advantage of nap time...he laughed and said it was good for them too because he was afraid I would have said no to them staying if we had not had that time earlier. Ha ha...so I get a little obsessive about hitting the "mark". Who does not in this situation?

Ok so I am driving around today running errands and I all of a sudden remember what it is about this whole thing that I had forgotten....the idea that if we introduce the sperm to the the egg around the assumed time that the egg is appearing we will get pregnant. I forget that there are so many other factors and my mind just automatically thinks it will happen. Like I will tell myself not to get excited, not to think it can happen, to prepare for the negative but I know in the back of my mind is this little voice saying, "How can I not get pregnant? We timed everything right. Cervical fluid was good. I know I ovulated. We took care of all the bases. How could I not get pregnant?" This is where I have to remind myself that no matter how well we "plan things" IT IS NOT UP TO ME. I am not the one calling the shots here. I am just hoping that it is in the cards for us if you will. That it is Gods plan that we get pregnant. I know that I have to have faith and that all the planning and timing in the world does not matter. I know this but I still want to believe that it will be different maybe. I don't know.

I just have a hard time letting it go. Just reading the test stick, having some fun with my husband, and then seeing what happens. Trying to remember that it is not the journey but the destination. UGH! That is so hard because I want what I want at the end of that road. But what if that is not what I am supposed to get?

I will continue to remind myself that it is God's plan not mine and that it will be what it will be and hopefully I will not fall apart when/if the test is negative and we are not pregnant this month. We will try again and see what happens. Stay in today and enjoy that...I don't want to lose time again this time around.

That is all for now. I will be back sometime soon....counting my blessings until then!

Gearing up....

OK...so I just got done with a period. I have taken the ovulation meds for this cycle and I am getting ready to start ovulation testing. I bought a kit online that has twenty strips which will be nice since I am a pretty irregular gal and need to test longer than 7 days sometimes. I think....who the heck knows what it will be.

So now I am gearing up to get disappointed....or to get excited. Depends on what day you catch me. Sometimes I am convinced that it will all go well, we will get pregnant and that will be that. And then other times I am reminding myself that it was not that easy the first time so how could it be that easy the second time? I see others get pregnant a second, and sometimes third, time without the difficulties of the first one. But we have been doing nothing to prevent a pregnancy for almost two years now...how could it be easy when it has not happened yet? But then again I have to remember that we did not think that we could even get pregnant the first time.

It is such a crazy time in my head these days. I try not to focus on it. That is honestly easier this time around since I have a two year old running around. I am grateful for her in my life for many reasons. The distraction is one. As weird as it may sound I am grateful for her because I am adamant that I won't miss her life wanting to create a sibling so I will make that much more effort to not become obsessed with the whole conception thing. I hope I can do that.

More to come as the lines do or don't appear this month!

Here we go again...

OK...so I tested this morning to make sure I was not pregnant. Of course I was not. Despite any symptom I may have thought I felt in the past month or so....yeah it is a little crazy!...anyway.

So this means I am on Provera again. For those of you who don't know that drug....synthetic progesterone. It makes my body think that an egg has been released, not fertilized and then will bring on my period after I take it for about 7-10 days. I used to take it for 7 days, then they upped it to 10 and then to 12. After a particularly Psycho cycle I took myself back down to the 7 day cycle and it works out fine. I get my period and no one has to die in the process. Seriously!

This means that in a week or so I will be getting my period, then on day three I will start taking the ovulation drug. That one has few side effects that I really remember. I am however taking twice as much this cycle as I was last time I blogged. (sorry it has been so long by the way.) A few days after my period ends I will begin peeing on test strips to find out if I get a hormone surge predicting ovulation within 24-48 hours of the indicator. We then "get" to "try" to "make" baby number two. Then I get to wait with my insane mind for two to three weeks to see if I am pregnant or not.

Ok....so that was the clinical version, well mostly clinical. Here is how I really feel. Excited, scared, obsessed, longing, sad, frustrated, excited again, jealous of others, happy for others, grateful for Josey, ready for another baby, not ready for another baby, scared again, frustrated....yeah you get the point. It is such an up and down roller coaster. And I don't want to complain about it all the time because I am signing up for the "treatments". I did not however sign up for infertility. I did not sign up for PCOS. I did not sign up for the monthly disappointment of negative tests. I did not sign up for the guilt of not being able to give my husband a baby. I did not sign up for the roller coaster in general.

But we want another baby. And I am willing to try to a certain point to have one from my tummy. Genetics is not the issue, I want to be pregnant again. We could adopt, expensive but we could figure that out, we are not against the idea of a child not from our genes. But I want to be pregnant. I want to feel that life growing inside of me. I want to feel that baby kicking to get out or to say hi. I want to watch my belly grow and swell with the amazing miracle of life. I want that again. I think now that I know what that is I may want it even more than I did the first time. Pregnancy is not without its difficulties and discomforts. I won't even pretend to forget that nor will I deny that they exist but the good outweighs the bad overall I think.

I hope to begin to write here more often. The break that I took was mostly because I was trying to get through the holidays without thinking about "conception" too much. It seems though that EVERYONE is pregnant. I am happy for them all but EVERYONE is pregnant. This of course is not true but it seems that way. (if you are pregnant and I know you please realize I am happy for you!) I had a shower mid January for a friend, my best friend is pregnant with number 2, another friend with number one, My 19 year old niece is pregnant. A mom from play group is pregnant with number 2, it did not take them long to "make" this one. My hairdresser is pregnant. A friend called me the other day and said she had something to tell me but that she did not want to upset me....I totally thought she was going to tell me that she was pregnant too. She isn't by the way. :) It just seems like everywhere I turn there are pregnant ladies. I hope that they have a happy and healthy nine months I really do but I want to be them. And not in some scary, weird way...I just want that again.

SO....like I said in the title....Here we go again. I hope that this time I can handle things better and deal with it better and honestly...I hope for a faster positive pregnancy test. Until then I will count my blessings and remember that life is what I make it and I can make it good or I can make it bad...today I choose to make it good.